Adoption: Truths & Misconceptions

Approaching adoption from the perspective of finding families for children centers the needs of vulnerable children who are in need of permanent homes. It emphasizes the importance of matching children with families that can provide them with the care, support, and opportunities they require to reach their full potential. This approach also acknowledges the diversity of families and recognizes that there are many different types of families that can offer children the love and stability they need.

While the challenges may differ, both adoption and fertility treatment require significant emotional, financial, and psychological investment from individuals or couples seeking to grow their families.

Adopting a child can take an unpredictable amount of time -- typically months or even many years. Wait times are often particularly long if the prospective family hopes to adopt a healthy infant.

Adoption can easily cost more than fertility treatments. Adoption costs can vary widely and add up significantly depending on factors such as agency fees, legal fees, birth parent expenses, and travel expenses.

There are no guarantees with adoption. Adoption should always center the needs of the child -- therefore, matching a child to the right adoptive family for them is the most important piece.

For an adoption to occur, there has to be so much loss and grief – for all members of the adoption triad. There is a strong message that adoption is a positive experience for all involved. Birth parents are not in a position to parent, and adoption absolves them of parenting. They get to ensure their child is cared for and move on with their life. Adoptive parents want a child and adoption brings that child to them.

Adoption offers a child a different life. What constitutes a “better” life is highly subjective. Adoption may provide some children with opportunities, stability, and relationships they might not have had otherwise. However, it doesn’t universally guarantee an improvement in every aspect of a child’s life. In exchange for those possible benefits, there may be losses around connection to their cultural background, relationships with biological family, opportunities for genetic mirroring and their sense of identity. By reframing the word “better” for “different,” we begin to acknowledge the complexity of adoption and emphasize supporting adoptees in their true feelings.

Adoption, even when it occurs during infancy, can still have profound emotional and psychological effects on the adoptee. Separation from biological parents, even at infancy or a young age, can be a traumatic experience that shapes an individual’s sense of identity and belonging.

While it’s true that there are children in many countries who need parents and caregivers to raise them, the reality is more nuanced. International adoption is a complex process governed by each country’s laws and by international policies. Not all children have the legal status or availability for international adoption.

Honesty about a child’s origin story is in the child’s best interest.
Historically, adoption professionals recommended that parents hide that their family came together through an adoption, and instead, pass off the adoptee as their biological child. However, professionals and adoptees now agree that openness and honesty about adoption are widely recognized as best practice for the well-being and development of adoptees.