Yesh Tikva
A Jewish Fertility Community
Adoption as a Pathway to Parenthood
A Comprehensive Adoption Guide
We are happy you are here and we are honored to hold your hand as you embark on your adoption journey.
What will this guide cover?
What will this guide cover?
Letter to Reader
Dear Reader,
The journey through infertility can be a long one, with a lifelong impact, no matter the outcome. Unfortunately, if you’ve shared your infertility journey with another person, hoping for support and an empathic ear, you might have been met with “Why don’t you just adopt?” These five simple words are often said with genuine curiosity and, sometimes, a shade of judgment. Along with the phrase is a lot of misconceptions about what adoption actually looks like for all involved. There are many ways to respond and redirect this conversation. Infertility hurts, and the assumption that adoption (or any other pathway to parenthood) is an easy or straightforward route to a child is misguided.
While nothing is easy once infertility is involved, every path to parenthood is valid. There is more than one way for a child to join a family, and there is more than one way to become a parent. Adoption is one of the ways a family can grow – and it may be how your family will grow.
“Choosing whether to continue biological parenthood or to shift toward adoption is a pivotal decision. It’s not merely another step on your journey; it’s choosing to leave the road you’ve been traveling down and begin a completely different road toward a different destination. “
– Kenzi Locks
You may find yourself exploring adoption after an infertility diagnosis and fertility treatments but have never considered it before. Maybe you always thought you’d have biological children and later adopt, as well. Your understanding and knowledge about adoption may vary. Perhaps you’re even an adoptee, or there are adoptees within your family or social circle. Maybe adoption came to you via the stories of Moses being raised away from his first family and Esther being raised by her cousin, Mordechai. It might have landed on your heart through the fictional tales of Annie, Anne of Green Gables, and Superman. It may have been that person saying, “just adopt!’ after another cycle with no baby.
Whatever brought you to consider adoption as your path to parenthood, this resource is meant to outline the complex adoption process and its many nuances in the modern day. It will help guide you through difficult decisions, explain concepts, and shed light on many common misconceptions about adoption. You will also find helpful resources throughout to continue deepening your understanding of the lifelong impact adoption has on an adoptee, birth parents, and adoptive families.
We hope that this information helps you at whatever stage in the adoption process you find yourself in today. Please remember we are here to provide ongoing support on your infertility journey – no matter where it leads you.
– The Yesh Tikva team
Intro to Adoption
Transitioning from TTC to Adoption:
Choosing whether to continue to pursue biological parenthood or to shift toward adoption is a pivotal decision. It’s crucial to recognize that infertility is a medical condition, not a choice, and the decision to pursue adoption is a deeply personal one. The weight of ending an infertility journey and entering an adoption one is profound.
There is rarely a clear dividing line between “I’m done with this and moving on to that.” It’s much more common to feel like one foot is in, the other is out, and you’re shifting weight back and forth depending on the day. The decision can require a reevaluation of dreams, expectations, and the endurance required to redefine the very essence of family. Embracing the possibility of adoptive parenthood is nuanced, emotional, and deeply personal.
What if I don’t want to adopt? Does that say something about me?
It’s not uncommon to explore adoption and feel like it’s not the right pathway to grow your family. It’s also not uncommon to then wonder if not wanting to adopt says something (negative) about you
Some worry that they’re “selfish” or a “bad person” if they decide either the adoption process or adoptive parenthood isn’t for them. The labeling of individuals or couples as “selfish” or “bad” for choosing not to adopt overlooks the complexities of their circumstances and the emotional toll of infertility and can contribute to feelings of guilt and shame. Adoptive parents are not inherently “good” or “selfless” people, and the societal pressure to adopt as a solution to infertility often stems from misconceptions about adoption itself. Deciding adoption isn’t right for you is just as valid for deciding surrogacy, donor conception or certain fertility treatments aren’t right for you. This is a personal journey. While others may not understand your desires or plans around family building, understanding and acknowledging your own experiences, abilities, emotions, morals and desires is essential.
A Note on Partners,
If you’re pursuing parenthood with a partner, it’s not unusual for one partner to feel more enthusiastic, ready, or drawn to adoption to grow their family than the other partner.
If this is the case, it’s essential to recognize that, while possibly upsetting, it’s not unusual for partners to feel differently about the pathway ahead of them. Even when we have supportive and well-connected partnerships, they are still two distinct individuals, and can have different opinions, values, experiences, and expectations. Even if you’re not on the same page right now, it does not mean you won’t reach a shared conclusion.
It may be necessary to take some time to calmly explore the topic of “what now?” together. Whether having this conversation just the two of you, with separate counselors or a couples therapist, or with your rabbi, keep the lines of communication open. For a couple, deciding to become parents is a joint decision, and deciding to change pathways is also a joint decision.
Questions to Explore
With 24.9% of adoptive parents motivated to adopt after infertility, you’re certainly not alone. We’d like to offer a few questions to explore as you consider if adoption feels right for your family. You can consider them individually, with your partner (if you have one), a trusted loved one, a therapist or counselor, or your rabbi.
Four Questions to Ask Yourself When You’re Considering Adopting
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Wondering when to start exploring adoption?
Truths and Misconceptions - Debunking Adoption Myths
You may have heard different things about adoption, some based in fact and others, not factual at all. Let’s break down a number of these misconceptions and separate fact from fiction.
Before we begin, ask yourself:
“Do I have any preconceived notions about adoption already?”
“Where did they come from?”
“What can I do to resolve them?”
“Will they impact my adoption journey?”
Approaching adoption from the perspective of finding families for children centers the needs of vulnerable children who are in need of permanent homes. It emphasizes the importance of matching children with families that can provide them with the care, support, and opportunities they require to reach their full potential.
While the challenges may differ, both adoption and fertility treatment require significant emotional, financial, and psychological investment from individuals or couples seeking to grow their families.
Adopting a child can take an unpredictable amount of time -- typically months or even many years. Wait times are often particularly long if the prospective family hopes to adopt a healthy infant.
Adoption can easily cost more than fertility treatments. Adoption costs can vary widely and add up significantly depending on factors such as agency fees, legal fees, birth parent expenses, and travel expenses.
There are no guarantees with adoption. Adoption should always center the needs of the child -- therefore, matching a child to the right adoptive family for them is the most important piece.
For an adoption to occur, there has to be so much loss and grief – for all members of the adoption triad. There is a strong message that adoption is a positive experience for all involved. Birth parents are not in a position to parent, and adoption absolves them of parenting. They get to ensure their child is cared for and move on with their life. Adoptive parents want a child and adoption brings that child to them.
Adoption offers a child a different life. What constitutes a “better” life is highly subjective. Adoption may provide some children with opportunities, stability, and relationships they might not have had otherwise. However, it doesn’t universally guarantee an improvement in every aspect of a child’s life.
Adoption, even when it occurs during infancy, can still have profound emotional and psychological effects on the adoptee. Separation from biological parents, even at infancy or a young age, can be a traumatic experience that shapes an individual’s sense of identity and belonging.
While it’s true that there are children in many countries who need parents and caregivers to raise them, the reality is more nuanced. International adoption is a complex process governed by each country’s laws and by international policies. Not all children have the legal status or availability for international adoption.
Honesty about a child’s origin story is in the child’s best interest.
Professionals and adoptees agree that openness and honesty about adoption are widely recognized as best practice for the well-being and development of adoptees.
Adoption Pathways
After the emotional journey of infertility, deciding to become a prospective adoptive family is a big step…made up of lots of little steps. However, there are many paths to consider within the world of adoption, each with its own unique process, considerations, and timeline.
International Adoption
A U.S. citizen adopting a child from outside of the country is known as international or intercountry adoption. Children available for intercountry adoption are often living in orphanages or group homes and all attempts to place them with relatives or other non-related adults within their home country have been exhausted. U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Services (USCIS) oversees the approval of prospective adoptive parents looking to adopt and the eligibility of children to immigrate to the United States. Additionally, each “sending country” has their own set of eligibility requirements for adoptive parents, such as age, marital status, sexuality, health status, number of children already in the home, and more. The needs of the children available for adoption differ by country program as do their ages, medical conditions, and other factors.
Domestic Infant Adoption
Pursuing private domestic infant adoption opens your family to permanently and legally welcoming a (typically) newborn or young infant into your home. It’s typically a collaborative journey between you, the adoptive parent(s), and the expectant parent(s) who choose adoption for their child.There are two primary ways to navigate domestic infant adoption: through a licensed adoption agency or independently with an attorney. Each approach has its own advantages and considerations.
Adopting from Fostercare
The goal of the foster care system is to ensure the wellbeing of children while necessary changes are made within their family of origin so they can be safely reunited. However, for children in situations where reunification or adoption by a kinship family is not possible, adoption may become the goal. While there are, at times, infants available for adoption from foster care, it’s far more common for children to be between toddler-age and 21 years old.. It’s essential to understand that the children available for adoption through foster care have faced trauma beyond family separation and have often experienced abuse or neglect. To adopt from foster care, prospective adoptive parents work with either a public or private agency that has contracted with the state’s foster care system to provide services.
Working with an Agency
Adoption agencies are licensed, regulated organizations that provide a structured and supportive environment for your adoption process. They have experienced staff who establish relationships with expectant or new parents considering adoption and will guide you through the entire process, from pre-adoption education to matching you with a potential birth mother and finalizing the legal adoption.
Independent Adoption
Choosing the independent route can allow for more flexibility and control over the adoption process. You’ll work directly with an attorney specializing in adoption law and will connect with expectant parents on your own. This path requires significant research and initiative on your part and support from others will be limited.
Receive a PDF for a more in-depth look at each pathway,
What can open adoption look like?
Is Open Adoption Co-Parenting?
No. Open adoption gives the birth parent(s) and the adoptee and their adoptive parent(s) the opportunity to build a relationship. However, the birth parent(s) are not the legal parent(s). In an open adoption, the adoptive parent(s) still makes all decisions – big and small – about raising the child. They’re the ones there on a daily basis acting as any parent does.
How Does an Open Adoption Start?
Prior to signing consents and baby’s placement, the prospective adoptive parent(s), the expectant parent(s) and the adoption workers from the agency will discuss what everyone’s minimum hopes are for contact. These decisions are then written up in a good-faith or legally enforceable agreement and then signed by the birth and adoptive parents along with their respective consents.
It’s wise to be honest and not feel tempted to over-promise on contact with an expectant parent(s). If the birth parent(s) live far away, how will travel be handled? If someone moves, what would that mean? It may be tempting to say “we’ll see you as often as you’d like!” in a match meeting, but what if that means something very different than what you’re actually comfortable with down the line?
It’s essential to recognize the importance of the relationship and connection with your child’s birth parents. It’s your job to be honest with your adoption worker, the expectant parent(s) and yourself right from the beginning.
“It’s important to understand that birth parents, like all people, are human beings. They have lives that can be complicated and they’ve faced the trauma of a likely unplanned pregnancy and then the family separation of adoption.”
– Kenzi Locks
What Does Open Adoption Look Like Over Time?
Open adoptions look different for every adoption constellation. Open adoption may change over time as relationships change and the child grows up and can define their own desires and boundaries.
There are adoption constellations that never go beyond the agreed upon open adoption contact terms, and there are constellations that go well beyond. Some families have birth parents at adoptee’s birthday parties and there are adoptees and adoptive parents celebrating at milestone events for a birth parent. There are birth parents and adoptive parents who maintain contact via a designated email, providing only the expected update message and there are adoptive parents and birth parents who have a deeper bond and text like friends. While this may simply change organically, for many, it will need to come from intentional, honest discussions between the adults.
Strong open adoptions do not happen overnight, and they don’t happen for everyone. There will always be birth parents and adoptive parents who struggle with maintaining contact – even if everyone believes it’s in the child’s best interest.
At times, these complications can make open adoption harder for birth parents, harder for adoptive parents or even harder for adoptees. While many adoptive parents begin an open adoption with worry about the level of contact, McLaughlin et al. found that feelings of apprehension alleviated quickly and most wanted more contact with birth parents over time.
To close the answer to this question, we’d like to recommend a 2010 episode of the Modern Love podcast. “Not So Simple Math” by birth mother and author, Amy Seek, who offers a beautiful inside look at open adoption through the years.
This episode of MTV’s “16 and Pregnant” shows one open adoption’s beginning story. Begin watching at 34:00.
Common open adoption fears
Does open adoption prevent adoption trauma?
The idea that open adoption is a “get-out-of-adoption-harm-free card” is a common one.
“The trauma of a family separation cannot be eliminated from contact with the birth family, no matter how much and how well-handled by the adults involved. There is inherent loss and wounds with every adoption – open or closed.”
– Kenzi Locks
However, that doesn’t mean open adoption isn’t a very important piece of a modern, hopefully healthy adoption. Open adoption offers the members of the triad (and potentially the rest of the constellation!) to know each other over time. It allows the birth parents to share the “why” behind the adoption plan in their own words. It allows that adoptee to see that they are important to their parents – both birth and adoptive. So does open adoption prevent all adoption trauma? Doubtful. But does it possibly reduce identity issues and further traumas? Perhaps.
Check out a video about the emotional toll on adoptee and parents,
Domestic Infant Adoption with an Agency
1. Research the Process
What are the basics?
Are the children orphans?
You might assume that if a child is living in an orphanage, that they are, of course, an orphan. In fact, there are children all over the world living in orphanages who have living parents or relatives in their area who are unable to care for them due to financial, legal, or social reasons.
What are the characteristics of children eligible for adoption?
Children eligible for adoption through a domestic infant program with an adoption agency are typically newborns and infants, but some agencies may occasionally place toddlers. Otherwise, their characteristics will vary greatly – like all children.
- Some may have certain medical conditions
- Some may have been exposed to substances in-utero.
- Some may have family medical histories
How much does adoption cost?
According to the Child Welfare Information Gateway June 2022 Report, average costs can range from $20,000 to $60,000. The agency you choose to work with should be able to provide a breakdown of expected fees.
2. Choose an agency
To begin an adoption process, you first need to choose your adoption agency.
Choosing an adoption agency is a very personal decision. You’re putting your family’s future (as well as emotions and finances) in this organization’s hands. Doing your research and taking the time to find the right agency is important.
Here’s a list of questions to ask when exploring adoption agencies.
Complete the application paperwork required by the agency you’ve chosen. Some agencies may have prerequisite education before you can apply.
3. Home study process
Every adoptive family is required to have a home study – typically, the process is broken down into education, paperwork, a home inspection and interviews. This part of the process often takes several months from start to finish.
It’s important to acknowledge that, for some, the home study process can feel very difficult – between the education requirements, extensive paperwork, an inspection of your home and then personal interviews – you might find yourself holding some difficult feelings. It’s not uncommon to think to yourself “No one makes fertile people go through all this to have a baby. Here’s another uncomfortable hand that infertility has dealt me.”
It’s natural to question the fairness of the process, especially when comparing it to the seemingly simpler path others take to start a family. These feelings of frustration and isolation can weigh heavily, reminding individuals of the additional hurdles they face on their path to parenthood.
The paperwork at this stage can be extensive and time-consuming. Setting a schedule for yourself (and your partner, if you have one!) to work through it can be helpful.
After submitting your documents, your adoption service provider will review everything, wait for background check results and items that need to be sent directly from the source (sometimes references, medical records and others need to be submitted directly).
4. Wait for placement
Every agency has different average wait times to placement – however, since expectant parents are usually choosing the adoptive family, the wait times can vary widely even within the same agency. Some families may have very short waits and others may have a wait that is longer than average.
Waiting is often a difficult stage for a prospective adoptive family, as you’ve completed so many actionable steps and it’s suddenly all out of your hands.
During the wait, you’ll likely need to update paperwork, clearances and your home study. It’s important to remain in contact with your agency in order to make sure everything is up-to-date.
5. Placement
After consents are signed, you will complete your adoption paperwork, to place the baby with your family. The contents of the document depend on your agency, state and jurisdiction. At that time you’ll either bring your baby home with you (if they were born in the state you live in) or you’ll have an ICPC process (if they were born in a different state) and then you’ll head home!
6. Post-Placement
This is the time between the child joining your family and the finalization of their adoption. The length of the post-placement period and the expectations for it depends on the state the adoptive parents reside in and the state where the baby was born. During this time period, the agency will “supervise” the adoptive family – visiting your home at intervals set by the state and assuring that the child is safe and well-cared for and that the rest of the family is adjusting well. This is also a great time to ask questions, request resources and more support if needed.
They will then write up reports that will be provided for the legal finalization of the adoption.
7. Finalization
The big day! You’ll head to court with your child and your attorney. The judge will have reviewed all the important documents and make you the legal parent(s) of your child. It’s official!
Independent Infant Adoption
1. Research adoption law
You need to explore the laws in your state to see if self-matching is allowed and what the parameters are for prospective adoptive parents in your state. Adoption law is nuanced and we recommend asking an attorney who specializes in adoption to see if this is a viable route in your state before you begin.
Once you get some more information, you can move forward.
2. Choose adoption team
3. Adoption Attorney
To begin an independent adoption process, we recommend retaining an attorney who specializes in adoption. This may be the attorney you consulted with in the step prior, or you may wish to choose a new one.
Adoption is a complicated, legal process and it’s important to work with someone knowledgeable in adoption law in your state. Besides terminating birth parents’ parental rights and finalizing the adoption, the attorney will advise you along the way on legal issues.
While many family attorneys have experience in adoption, there are very specific laws around independent/private adoption. Some states have requirements and restrictions around advertising, adoptive parents covering living expenses for birth parents and more. Not understanding these laws may put you and your adoption at risk.
Doing your research and taking the time to find the right attorney is essential to your process.
4. Home study provider
Your home study provider will conduct your home study interviews, oversee the legal and education requirements, and hopefully, approve you to adopt a child.
Even though you’ve chosen an independent adoption route, you may still need to do some work with an adoption agency. Depending on your state, you may be able to work with independent licensed social workers for your home study, or you may need to contract with an adoption agency for a home study.
5. Others
You may decide you need support with advertising, gathering information, etc. There are individuals who provide these services if you feel you’d like them. However, it’s imperative to check with your attorney if the service and the pricing for the service is legal in your state.
Additionally, there are many adoption facilitators operating around the country, primarily matching pre-adoptive parents and expectant parents and facilitating infant domestic adoptions. These professionals are unlicensed/unauthorized by the state and therefore, unsupervised. Several states across the country have successfully banned these providers and others have legislation pending.
It’s important to know how to spot the difference between licensed and unlicensed providers. The National Council for Adoption has a searchable directory that is helpful. Before putting your trust (and money) into a provider, be sure you’re making an informed decision. This article offers more information on unlicensed providers.
6. Home study process
Every adoptive family is required to have a home study – typically, the process is broken down into education, paperwork, a home inspection and interviews. This part of the process often takes several months from start to finish.
7. Develop profiling plan
One aspect to agencies is that they will show your family’s profile to expectant parents considering adoption. When on an independent journey, you’re managing your own marketing.
*Check with your attorney about what sort of profiling and marketing techniques are allowed in your state. Many states have limitations, restrictions or outright bans on advertising for an adoption as a prospective adoptive parent. It’s very important to understand what you are legally allowed and not allowed to do.
If advertising is allowed in your state, ask specifically about:
How will your advertising decisions impact an adoption of a child from another state?
How much are you financially allowed to put into profiling and marketing?
What language is or is not permitted when advertising?
What platforms are and are not allowed?
8. Matching
One aspect to agencies is that they will speak to expectant parents inquiring about adoption, provide options counseling, assist with matching them with a pre-adoptive family, and facilitate the initial conversations between the two parties. Typically, in independent adoptions, the pre-adoptive parent(s) and the expectant parent(s) have significantly more direct contact.
With an independent adoption, typically the pre-adoptive parent(s) is fielding inquiries from expectant parents and having conversations on their own or with the support of their attorney. This may mean that you’re the one discussing the expectant parent(s)’ medical histories, social history, etc. as opposed to a social worker.
9. Placement
After consents are signed, your attorney will have you complete your adoption paperwork to place the baby with your family. The contents of the document depend on your attorney, state and jurisdiction. At that time, if they’re ready for hospital discharge, you’ll either bring your baby home with you (if they were born in the state you live in) or you’ll have an ICPC process (if they were born in a different state) and then you’ll head home!
10. Post-Placement
This is the time between the child joining your family and the finalization of their adoption. The length of the post-placement period and the expectations for it depends on the state the adoptive parents reside in and the state where the baby was born. During this time period, a social worker will “supervise” the adoptive family – visiting your home at intervals set by the state and assuring that the child is safe and well-cared for and that the rest of the family is adjusting well. This social worker may be the same that completed your home study or they may be from an agency you contract. This is also a great time to ask questions, request resources and more support if needed.
They will then write up reports that will be provided for the legal finalization of the adoption.
11. Finalization
The big day! You’ll head to court with your child and your attorney. The judge will have reviewed all the important documents and make you the legal parent(s) of your child. It’s official!
Adoption Glossary
A person who has become the child of someone other than their birth parents through a formal legal adoption process.
An organization that facilitates the legal process of adopting children by connecting prospective adoptive parents with children who are available for adoption or expectant parents considering making an adoption plan.
A lawyer who specializes in guiding individuals or couples through the legal aspects of the adoption process. They provide legal counsel and assistance in completing the necessary steps to adopt a child.
Anyone whose life is entwined with adoption can be a member of the adoption constellation: the adoption triad members (adopted, birth parent, adoptive parents), siblings, relatives, professionals, significant others, and more.
A strategy or outline that a birth or expectant parent or parents create while considering adoption for their biological child. An adoption plan contains what they are looking for, want for their child, and intentions for ongoing contact. It’s often developed with an adoption professional during options counseling.
A symbol of the three groups of people whose lives are connected through an adoption: the birth parent(s), the adoptee(s) and the adoptive parent(s). The triangular-shaped symbol shows the relationship and connection between each member.
The family connected to a child through a legal adoption process.
The parent of a child they have legally adopted.
An adoptees birth certificate that was revised after a legal adoption to state the name(s) of their adoptive parent(s) in place of their birth or first parent(s).
An adoptee’s birth certificate that lists their birth or first parent(s) names under “parents.” In some states, adoptees have access to their original birth certificate at age 18. In others, these records are permanently sealed.
The biological family of origin of an adoptee – including birth parents, birth siblings, and other birth relatives.
The biological sibling of an adoptee – whether through one birth parent or both birth parents.
The biological parent of an adoptee.
The document issued by the court at the finalization of an adoption. The document states that the adoptee is the legal child of the adoptive parent(s).
A term used within state law and applied almost any child or youth adopted from foster care. The term is used within state law to define which children are eligible for federal financial assistance, also know ass adoption subsidies. While the classification can be based on medical, cognitive, emotional, or physical disabilities, or risk of developing a disability based on birth family history – it also can pertain to a child’s race or ethnicity, age, status within a sibling group, or any condition that may make it difficult to locate an appropriate adoptive family for them.
The term “special needs” is often seen as a derogatory term within the adoption community – as it has other definitions outside of the adoption community – leading to the term being often misunderstood.
Children adopted as infants domestically outside of foster care or adopted internationally may also be called a child with special needs. In these circumstances, it typically then means the child has a medical, cognitive, emotional, or physical disability or is likely to be diagnosed with one later.
All states have requirements to complete state and federal clearances from several sources. It’s typical to have a criminal history clearance (through fingerprints) and child abuse clearances. Other clearances are possible depending on your state of residence and the state you are adopting from.
Certain crimes (typically violent crimes or crimes committed against children) will result in automatic disqualification from adoptingt. However, not all crimes will result in an automatic disqualification.
A type of adoption where the birth parent(s) and the adoptive parent(s) have little to no contact with each other and may possibly know very little about one another. The expectation is that the adoptee will not have contact with the birth parent(s) growing up.
This is sometimes called a “traditional adoption,” as, in the past, nearly all adoptions were “closed.”
The act of pressuring an expectant or biological parent to place a child for adoption, either through forceful, threatening or intimidating language or actions. Anyone involved in the adoption can be coercive.
The agreement by a parent, (or a person or agency acting in place of a parent), to relinquish a child for adoption and release all rights and duties with respect to that child. It’s also sometimes called the “surrender.”
A situation where the planned adoption process of a child is interrupted or terminated before it is legally finalized. This disruption can occur for various reasons and can be a complex and emotional experience for all parties involved, including the child, adoptive parent(s), and birth parent(s).
The legal process of terminating or dissolving an adoption after it has been legally finalized. The legal relationship between the adoptive parent(s) and the adopted child is formally severed. Adoption dissolution is a rare and complex situation, and it typically involves a court order to reverse the adoption. It’s sometimes called a “failed adoption.”
The process of adopting a child within the same country where the adoptive parent(s) reside. In a domestic adoption, the child who is being adopted is typically a citizen or resident of the same country as the adoptive parent(s). This type of adoption is subject to the laws and regulations of the specific country or state where the adoption takes place.
A process provided to individuals who are considering placing their child for adoption, often during pregnancy or shortly after childbirth. Counseling is typically facilitated by professionals, such as licensed counselors, social workers, or adoption agency staff. Topics most often include information and education on adoption, emotional support, exploration of optionss, preparation for grief aand loss, facilitation of open communication (in an open adoption), and legal aspects. This counseling aims to help expectant or birth parents make informed and voluntary decisions about the adoption of their child.
A blanket term for situations where a planned adoption does not proceed as intended or does not result in the permanent placement of the child with the adoptive family. A faled placement can happen at different stages of the adoption process, from the initial match between adoptive parent(s) and birth parent(s) to disruptions that occur after the child has been placed with the adoptive family but before the adoption is legally finalized (i.e. disruption of adoption).
The costs associated with the adoption process, typically incurred by the adoptive parent(s) to cover various expenses related to the legal, administrative, and sometimes medical aspects of adoption. The specific adoption fees can vary widely depending on the type of adoption, the adoption agency or professional facilitating the process, and the jurisdiction in which the adoption takes place.
Some common components of adoption fees are agency fees, legal fees, home study fees, birth parent expenses, international fees, and birth parent expenses.
The legal proceeding in court where an adoption is formally completed and the adoptive parent(s) become the legal, permanent parent of the adoptee. It is the last legal step in an adoption.
Some common components of adoption fees are agency fees, legal fees, home study fees, birth parent expenses, international fees, and birth parent expenses.
An approach where individuals or couples initially become foster parents with the intention of adopting a child who becomes legally available for adoption. The foster parent(s) first provide temporary care for a child within the foster care system. If it’s determined that the child cannot be safely reunified with birth family or fictive kin, and the goal shifts to adoption, the foster parents may have the opportunity to adopt the child they have been fostering.
Some common components of adoption fees are agency fees, legal fees, home study fees, birth parent expenses, international fees, and birth parent expenses.
A division of the child welfare system where temporary out-of-home care is provided to children who are unable to live with their biological families due to various reasons, such as purported abuse, neglect, or other circumstances that may pose a risk to their well-being or stabiliity. In foster care, children are placed in the care of approved foster families or in group homes while their birth families work to address the issues that led to the child’s removal in hopes that the child may be returned home.
Some common components of adoption fees are agency fees, legal fees, home study fees, birth parent expenses, international fees, and birth parent expenses.
The specific objectives and outcomes that child welfare agencies aim to achieve during a child’s placement in foster care. These goals are designed to address the needs and circumstances of each foster child and their family. The primary goals of foster care typically revolve around ensuring the safety, well-being, and permanency of the child. The most typical goal is for the child to be safely reunited with their family.
Some common components of adoption fees are agency fees, legal fees, home study fees, birth parent expenses, international fees, and birth parent expenses.
A child or young person (sometimes up to 21 years old depending on the jurisdiction) placed in a foster family or group home due to various reasons preventing them from living with their biological parents. Foster children are typically placed in foster care by the child welfare or court systems due to purported abuse, neglect, or other circumstances that may pose a risk to their well-being or stability.
Some common components of adoption fees are agency fees, legal fees, home study fees, birth parent expenses, international fees, and birth parent expenses.
Someone who provides temporary care in their home for a child or children placed in the foster care system due to purported abuse, neglect, or other circumstances that may pose a risk to their well-being or stability.
Some common components of adoption fees are agency fees, legal fees, home study fees, birth parent expenses, international fees, and birth parent expenses.
In the context of foster care, “guardian” or “guardianship” typically refers to a legal relationship where an individual or entity is granted the legal authority and responsibility to make decisions for a child who is in foster care. The guardian is appointed by the court and assumes certain legal rights and responsibilities for the child’s well-being. A guardian is often a different person from the foster parent.
An international treaty signed on by the United States in 1994, that establishes requirements and procedures to ensure the protection of children in intercountry adoptions. The Convention aims to ensure:
an intercountry adoption only takes place when a child has been deemed eligible for adoption by their country of origin.
Proper consideration and effort has been made to find an adoptive family within the child’s country of origin.
A major goal of the Hague is to prevent the abduction, sale, and trafficking of children and to safeguard their best interests during the adoption process.
A comprehensive assessment process conducted by a licensed social worker or adoption agency cumulating in a report approving an individual or couple to foster or adopt.
Its primary purpose is to evaluate the suitability of prospective adoptive parents and their home environment to ensure the safety, stability, and welfare of a child being placed for adoption or in a foster home.
The home study typically involves interviews, background checks, reference checks, and a thorough review of the prospective parents’ personal histories, living conditions, lifestyle, parenting philosophy, financial stability, and emotional readiness to adopt. It also serves as an educational opportunity for the prospective parents, providing information about adoption, child development, and parenting expectations.
The findings of the home study are used to make informed decisions regarding the matching of children with prospective adoptive families.
An updated document to the home study report required for various reasons such as a change in the prospective adoptive parent(s)’ circumstances. Addendums are meant to ensure that the home study report remains accurate and reflective of the prospective adoptive family’s life.
Certain states or agencies will require annual or biannual updates to the home study to ensure the family’s circumstances continue to be known and reported.
A specific type of adoption arrangement where the biological parent(s) of a child and prospective adoptive parents locate each other independently or through a mutual connection. The adults involved may choose (or be legally required) to engage certain adoption professionals depending on the jurisdictions requirements.
Personal details about biological parents and adoptive parents involved in an adoption process that can be used to directly identify them.
This information typically includes full names, addresses, phone numbers, social security numbers, birthdates, and any other data that could reveal the identities of birth parents, adoptive parents, or the adopted child. Identifying information is often treated with sensitivity and confidentiality to protect the privacy of the adults involved in the adoption.
Access to identifying information may be regulated by laws and policies governing adoption professionals. Certain information may be accessed by the adoptee at a certain age, depending on the jurisdiction’s laws.
A process in which the birth parents and adoptive parents work directly with each other, typically without the involvement of an adoption agency or intermediary.
In an independent adoption, the birth parents may seek and select the adoptive parents themselves or may find them through personal connections, such as friends, family members, online platforms, or advertisements. This type of adoption involves legal procedures to finalize the adoption, ensuring that all necessary requirements and regulations are met. Independent adoption requires careful planning, legal guidance, and support to navigate successfully.
The process of adopting a child from another country from where the adoptive parent(s) reside. In an international adoption, the child who is being adopted is typically a citizen or resident of a different country as the adoptive parent(s). The child is typically living in an orphanage, group home or foster care setting and a permanent placement is not possible within their home country. This type of adoption is subject to the laws and regulations of the specific country where the adoption is taking place and where the adoptive parents reside.
In an independent adoption, the birth parents may seek and select the adoptive parents themselves or may find them through personal connections, such as friends, family members, online platforms, or advertisements. This type of adoption involves legal procedures to finalize the adoption, ensuring that all necessary requirements and regulations are met. Independent adoption requires careful planning, legal guidance, and support to navigate successfully.
A legally binding agreement between all 50 states, the District of Columbia, and the US Virgin Islands, that regulates the transfer of children from one state to another. This agreement outlines the conditions that must be met prior to the placement of a child out of state (for an adoption). It guarantees that potential placements meet safety and suitability standards before authorization, and it ensures that the party or organization facilitating the placement maintains legal and financial responsibility for the child post-placement.
The legal process through which a court terminates a parent’s legal rights and responsibilities towards their child without the parent’s consent. This action is typically taken when it is determined that the parent is unable or unwilling to provide proper care, support, or protection for the child, or when the parent has engaged in actions such as abuse, neglect, or abandonment that endanger the child’s well-being. Involuntary termination of parental rights is a serious and irreversible legal action, and it may occur as a result of court proceedings initiated by child welfare agencies, adoption agencies, or other concerned parties seeking to safeguard the child’s welfare and best interests.
A type of adoption where a child is legally adopted by a relative or someone with a significant pre-existing relationship with the child, such as a grandparent, aunt, uncle, cousin, or family friend. In kinship adoption, the adoptive parent(s) are already familiar with the child and may have been providing care for them prior to the formal adoption process. This type of adoption is often pursued when it is in the best interest of the child to maintain connections with their extended family or community, or when it is necessary to provide stability and permanency in situations where the child cannot remain with their biological parent(s). Kinship adoption can offer a number of benefits, including permanency, maintaining a sense of continuity and belonging for the child, preserving cultural and familial ties, and providing a supportive environment within a familiar and trusted network.
Typically the person whose relationship with the mother of a child meets certain criteria to make him legally the father, even if he is not the biological father to the child. One example is a person legally married to the mother at the time of conception or birth of their child. A legal father will typically need to consent to an adoption or have his rights terminated by a court, even if he has no other connection to the child
Placement of a child with a prospective adoptive family by an adoption or child welfare agency when the child has not yet been freed for adoption as the biological parents have not yet consented to adoption or had their parental rights terminated in court.
Financial support provided to birth parents during the pregnancy and postpartum period. These expenses may include rent, utilities, groceries, transportation, maternity clothing, childcare during appointmentss, medical expenses not covered by insurance, counseling services, and other necessary living costs. In some adoption arrangements, adoptive parents or adoption agencies may offer financial assistance to help alleviate the financial burden on expectant and new parents and ensure that they have the support needed to maintain a healthy and stable lifestyle during this time.
It’s important to note that laws and regulations regarding the provision of living expenses to birth parents vary by jurisdiction (of the birth parents and the prospective adoptive parents). There are often restrictions on the types and amounts of expenses that can be covered – and violating those restrictions can put risk on the legal process.
A meeting held during the matching process between a child’s biological parent(s) and a prospective adoptive parent(s). Typically this time is used to discuss their backgrounds, hopes for the child, open adoption, and more. It’s often facilitated by social workers or attorneys.
“Matching” is the process a suitable adoptive family for a child by aligning the child’s background and needs, the preferences of the child’s biological parent(s), and the preferences and capabilities of prospective adoptive parent(s). This process is usually managed by adoption agencies or social workers, but, in cases of independent adoptions, sometimes the parents themselves. All adoptive providers handle matching in their own way. When a prospective family has been identified and are in agreement that they hope to adopt the child, it’s called a “match” or that they are “matched.”
Enacted at the federal level with the aim of shortening the time children spend in foster care awaiting adoption, this law prohibits child welfare agencies receiving federal funding from delaying or denying foster or adoptive placements based on a child’s or prospective parent’s race, color, or national origin. It also mandates agencies to recruit foster and adoptive parents reflecting the racial and ethnic diversity of children in foster care.
An arrangement in which the birth parents and adoptive parents maintain a defined level of contact and communication following the placement of the child for adoption. It may include exchanges of letters, photos emails, phone calls, video calls, or visits. The goal of open adoption allow for ongoing relationships between the child, birth parents, and adoptive parents, providing transparency and continued connection throughout the child’s life.
It should be noted that some states offer the option of legally enforceable open adoption agreements. Others do not.
A formal, written arrangement between the birth parents and adoptive parents that outlines the level and type of contact and communication they will maintain after the adoption placement. This agreement typically details how often and in what manner the individuals will interact, such as through letters, emails, calls, or visits. It may state provisions regarding the exchange of photos, updates on the child’s well-being, and participation in important events or milestones in the child’s life.
Open adoption agreements vary widely based on the preferences and comfort levels of all adults involved. There may be provisions about the child’s decision-making around the relationship as they mature.
It should be noted that some states offer the option of legally enforceable open adoption agreements – often known as a “Post-Adoption Contact Agreement.” Others do not.
Refers to the accessibility of adoption-related documents and information to members of the adoption triad. Usually, it refers to allowing access to the original birth certificate, adoption decree, and other important documents to adopted individuals, birth parents, and sometimes even adoptive parents. In jurisdictions with open records laws, adoptees may have the legal right to obtain their original birth certificate and access information about their biological parents, siblings, and other relatives – usually after turning 18. Similarly, birth parents and adoptive parents may have varying degrees of access to adoption records depending on the jurisdiction and the specific circumstances of the adoption. Open records laws aim to promote transparency, facilitate reunions between adoptees and their biological families if desired, and support individuals’ rights to access information about their own personal history.
Access to open records varies widely.
The degree of communication, contact, and sharing of information between the members of the adoption triad. The level of openness can vary widely based on the preferences and agreements made between the biological and adoptive parent(s). ranging from no contact post-placement to regular and frequent communication.
The process of providing expectant parents or new parents with information, support, and guidance as they consider their options regarding their pregnancy, including the possibility of placing the child for adoption. Options counseling is typically offered by adoption agencies, social workers, or other professionals trained in providing support to individuals facing unplanned pregnancies. The goal of options counseling is to empower expectant parents or new parents to make informed decisions about their pregnancy by discussing available options, including parenting, kinship placement, foster care, adoption, and abortion (if possible). The best practice would be to offer this service in a supportive and non-coercive manner.
Options counseling involves providing information about the adoption process, exploring the emotional, practical, and financial aspects of each option, and offering support to help individuals navigate their decision-making process with dignity, respect, and autonomy.
The legal rights and responsibilities that biological parents or legal guardians hold over a child. These rights include the right to make decisions concerning the child’s upbringing, welfare, education, healthcare, and general well-being. Additionally, parental rights typically encompass the right to physical custody and visitation with the child. In adoption, parental rights may be voluntarily relinquished by the biological parent(s) or terminated by a court, allowing for the legal transfer of these rights to the adoptive parent(s). Once parental rights, are terminated or relinquished, the adoptive parent(s) are then able to move forward with an adoption and process and assume full legal responsibility for the child, including all rights and obligations associated with parenthood.
“Permanency” is the establishment of a stable and secure living arrangement for a child. The goal is to ensure that they have a long-term, nurturing environment in which to grow and thrive. It typically involves finding a permanent family or placement option that meets the child’s developmental, emotional, and physical needs. Permanency aims to provide children with a sense of belonging, continuity, and security, often achieved through reunification with biological parents, adoption, legal guardianship, or long-term foster care.
“Permanency planning” is the process by which child welfare agencies, social workers, and other professionals work to achieve permanency for children in out-of-home care. It can involve assessing the child’s needs, evaluating the strengths and resources of the biological family, identifying potential permanent placement options, and developing a plan to achieve permanency within a reasonable timeframe.
Permanency planning also includes providing support services, counseling, and resources to birth families, foster families, and adoptive families to ensure the success of the permanent placement and the well-being of the child. The ultimate goal of permanency planning is to secure a stable, loving, and permanent home for every child in need.
The event when the adoptive parent(s) takes physical custody of the child, and the adoptee moves into the home of their adoptive family.
A range of supportive resources and assistance provided to adoptive families, adoptees, birth parents, and others involved in the adoption process after an adoption placement. These services are intended to address the ongoing needs, challenges, and adjustments that may arise following adoption placement and finalization. Post-adoption services can include counseling, support groups, educational resources, access to medical or mental health services, assistance with navigating legal or financial matters, respite care, and guidance on parenting adoptees.
The goal of post-adoption services is to promote the well-being and stability of members of the adoption triad, facilitate successful transitions, and address any issues or concerns that may arise throughout the lifespan.
The ongoing monitoring, support, and guidance provided by adoption professionals or social workers to an adoptive family and the child following the placement of the child into the adoptive home. This supervision typically occurs after the legal adoption process has begun but before it is finalized in court. During post-placement supervision, professionals conduct regular visits or check-ins with the adoptive family to assess the child’s well-being, ensure the family’s adjustment and readiness for adoption, and provide any necessary resources, counseling, or assistance. The primary goal of post-placement supervision is to support the successful transition of the child into their new family, address any challenges or concerns that arise, and ensure the stability and permanency of the adoption placement. There also may be regular reports prepared to be turned into the court presiding over finalization proceedings.
See “Independent Adoption”
Individuals or a couple who are in the process of hoping to adopt a child. These individuals have expressed their interest in adoption and have begun or completed the steps to become approved as adoptive parents. Once approved, prospective adoptive families may be matched with a child who is available for adoption, and the placement and finalization of the adoption can begin.
An alleged father or a father who is not married to the mother of a child. The putative father typically claims that he is the biological father of the child even though the legal relationship has not been established on the child’s birth certificate or through other legal means. A putative father’s parental rights (and ability to contest or agree to an adoption) vary based on his relationship with the mother and the child.
Every state has a provision for fathers to voluntarily acknowledge paternity or the possibility of paternity of a child born outside of marriage.
The voluntary act of surrendering parental rights and responsibilities by a birth parent or legal guardian, typically to facilitate the adoption of a child. This process often involves signing legal documents, such as consent to adoption or relinquishment of parental rights, to formalize the decision to place the child for adoption. Relinquishment allows for the transfer of legal custody and parental rights from the birth parent or legal guardian to either an intermediary (like an adoption agency) or directly to the adoptive parents, enabling the adoption process to proceed.
The process of restoring a child’s placement with their birth family after a period of separation, typically due to involvement with child protective services or out-of-home care. Reunification occurs when the birth parents or legal guardians have addressed the issues that led to the child’s removal from their care, such as abuse, neglect, or other safety concerns and have demonstrated the ability to provide a safe and stable home environment for the child’s return.
“Reunification” is often used as a goal for a child in foster care.
The act of individuals who were separated through adoption reconnecting and establishing contact with each other. This typically involves adoptees and birth family reconnecting.
Reunion can be a significant and emotional event for all involved, as it may provide an opportunity for individuals to learn more about their genetic and familial heritage, establish relationships with biological relatives, and address questions or feelings related to their adoption experience.
The specific timeframe during which a birth parent or legal guardian who has consented to the adoption of their child can revoke or withdraw their consent to the adoption.
This period varies depending on state laws or adoption regulations but is commonly a set number of days following the signing of the consent or relinquishment documents. The purpose of the revocation period is to provide birth parents with an opportunity to reconsider their decision and ensure that their consent to the adoption is fully informed, uncoerced, and voluntary.
Once the revocation period has elapsed without revocation, the consent becomes irrevocable – or irreversible – and the adoption process can proceed.
Two or more siblings who are placed together for adoption. This could include biological siblings or unrelated children who have formed strong sibling-like bonds while in foster care or other out-of-home placements.
Placing siblings together in adoption ensures that they can maintain their bond and relationship with each other, which can be vital for their emotional well-being and sense of stability. Adopting a sibling group allows them to grow up together, providing mutual support, companionship, and continuity in their lives. Sibling group adoption is often encouraged in the child welfare system to promote the well-being and permanency of sibling relationships.
Financial assistance provided to adoptive parents to help offset the costs associated with adopting and raising a child, particularly when the child has special needs. Adoption subsidies are typically offered by government agencies or adoption assistance programs and may include monthly payments, reimbursement for certain adoption-related expenses, or coverage of medical and educational costs for the adopted child.
Many adoptions would not qualify for subsidies.
See “Post-Placement Supervision” and “Post-Adoption Supervision”
See “Consent to Adoption”
The legal process through which a court ends the legal relationship between a parent and their minor child. This action permanently severs all legal rights, duties, and responsibilities that the parent has towards the child, including custody, visitation, and financial support.
TPR typically occurs when the court determines that it is in the best interest of the child to be permanently removed from the parent’s care due to circumstances such as abuse, neglect, abandonment, or parental unfitness. TPR proceedings may be initiated by child welfare agencies, adoption providers, adoptive parents, or other concerned parties, and they require a formal legal hearing where evidence is presented to support the termination. Once TPR is granted, the child may become eligible for adoption, placement in foster care, or guardianship by another individual or family.
Terminating parental rights is a significant and irreversible legal action, and it is typically pursued only after careful consideration of the child’s safety, well-being, and best interests.
Enacted in 1978 in response to the devastating crisis of removing 25%-35% of American Indian and Alaska Native children from their parents and extended families by state child welfare and private adoption agencies. 85% of those removed were placed outside of their families and communities (often with White families).
ICWA was intended to “protect the best interests of Indian children and to promote the stability and security of Indian tribes and families,” and was created to address some of the most concerning practices targeting Native children.
ICWA requires that caseworkers considering the permanency of a Native child must:
Provide active efforts to the family;
Identify a placement that fits under the ICWA preference provisions;
Notify the child’s tribe and the child’s parents of the child custody proceeding; and
Work actively to involve the child’s tribe and the child’s parents in the proceedings.
The placement of a child for adoption with adoptive parent(s) who are of a different race or ethnicity than the child. While not uncommon, transracial adoption raises important considerations regarding identity, cultural heritage, and racial socialization. Transracial adoption can offer children the opportunity to grow up in a stable and loving family, but it also requires adoptive parents to be thoughtful and proactive in addressing issues of race, culture, and identity within their family dynamic and community.
See “Relinquishment”
TPR typically occurs when the court determines that it is in the best interest of the child to be permanently removed from the parent’s care due to circumstances such as abuse, neglect, abandonment, or parental unfitness. TPR proceedings may be initiated by child welfare agencies, adoption providers, adoptive parents, or other concerned parties, and they require a formal legal hearing where evidence is presented to support the termination. Once TPR is granted, the child may become eligible for adoption, placement in foster care, or guardianship by another individual or family.
Terminating parental rights is a significant and irreversible legal action, and it is typically pursued only after careful consideration of the child’s safety, well-being, and best interests.
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