Celebrating Mother’s Day When You Are Not a Mother (Yet)


Mother’s Day and Father’s Day are very difficult days on the calendar when going through infertility. How do you celebrate mothers when you yourself are grieving because you have not yet become a mother? How do you celebrate others, when you have had miscarriages and failed IVF cycles, for the gift they have been granted of being a mother?

The ads are everywhere and reading through the cards, if you have women in your life to buy cards for, can make you cry.   Even though Mother’s Day and Father’s Day are greeting card inventions!

Since it is almost an inescapable and often an unbearable day, I wanted to share some things I have thought about or done that have helped me along this arduous infertility journey when facing Mother’s Day:


  • Allow yourself to cry about not being a mother yet. It simply hurts and the pain is deep.
  • Remember that it is ok to be envious of the mothers out there. It doesn’t make you a bad person! You are yearning life’s greatest joy (and challenge)!
  • Practice self-care by allowing yourself to participate in a Mother’s Day event (if you must!) but giving yourself permission to not stay any longer than you can manage.
  • Take a moment for a silent prayer for yourself and all of the countless other women out there who are on the very difficult journey of infertility.
  • Take a deep breath and allow yourself to celebrate the other women in your life who have had a loving and nurturing impact on you as well as what impact you may have had on others. Think about what you do have, not just what you don’t yet have.
  • As this day is approaching, it is a good opportunity to think about the mothering qualities you would like to give to your future child(ren) and why.
  • Who are your role models? Think about those women who may have died, along with the people from your own childhood, or even those currently in your life. Take notes, because the info will come in handy, no matter where your life takes you.
  • Spend some time being mindful to celebrate your determination and fortitude on your quest to become a mother. Take the time to do something you enjoy and give yourself a great big hug. You deserve it!!