Looking Forward to the Future
Disclosure & Family Dynamics
Talking to Children
One of the most significant aspects of donor conception is deciding when and how to tell your child about their origins. Here are some guidelines:
- Age-Appropriate Conversations: Start early (many recommend in infancy so there’s time to practice and gain comfort in sharing the story) with simple, honest explanations appropriate for the child’s age. As they grow, provide more detailed information.
- Honesty and Openness: Fostering an environment where your child feels comfortable asking questions and sharing their thoughts and feelings can make a significant difference in your family’s wellbeing. Honesty builds trust, helps children understand their unique conception story and can support their understanding of their genetic and medical history as a donor-conceived person.
Use Resources: Children’s books about donor conception can truly help give you the words to say in a way that your child will understand. Consider adding a few of these to your bookshelf. Joining the Yesh Tikva Supportive Space for those pregnant or parenting children through donor conception can also help you navigate whatever you’re facing.
We’ve rounded up some wonderful books that introduce the concepts of both ART and donor conception in age-appropriate ways.
Navigating Relationships Within the Family
Donor conception can impact family dynamics in various ways. It’s important to navigate these changes thoughtfully:
- Extended Family: If you decide not to disclose your donor conception plans before the birth of your child, it’s important to consider how and when you’ll share the information with extended family members. Consider that, if you decide not to tell others, there’s the possibility that your child may also feel obligated to keep this part of their identity a secret. Unfortunately, this may inadvertently lead your child to feel this is something shameful about their identity. While all families are different and some members may be more supportive than others, centering your child’s needs is paramount. Offering education about donor conception to extended family members may help move them in a supportive or, at least, respectful direction.
- Sibling Relationships: If you have other children, you can explain donor conception in a way that fosters acceptance and understanding. Ensuring that you share that all of your children – donor-conceived or not, are equally valued, loved and belong in the family is essential. Reading older siblings a few children’s books about donor conception is a great way to begin to explain how their sibling came to join the family.
- Donor and Donor Sibling Relationships: If it’s possible to connect with your donor or your child’s donor siblings, do your best to maintain open and honest communication, as well as, thoughtful boundaries. Like in any relationship, there may be complications to navigate. However, it also offers an opportunity to place your child’s needs and potential future needs at the forefront. To learn more about what this looks like for actual recipient parents, donors and donor conceived people, consider joining and reading through the posts on the Donor Conceived Best Practices and Connections Facebook group.
