I have come to realize that life is the way it is, because Hashem has chosen our paths for us. There is nothing that we can do to change who we are, but how we react to them may in fact help others; or could hurt others. The purpose of this is not to share a sob story, rather, assist those who may have similar or the exact same issues regarding infertility that I have had to go through. One in seven couples experience some form of infertility and in some genetic cases, one in four or five men are the cause of such infertility. It is not always the girl’s fault. Saying that does not lessen the fact that there are things, we as humans have to go through; but it can shed a light on the fact that playing the blame game is not always the healthiest thing. In fact, blaming your spouse is never the right way to go, because if the roles were reversed, you would not want to be blamed.
So here it goes. My name is Ari and I am nearly 29 years old. When I was just sixteen years old, my parents found out that I had a relatively rare condition known as Klinefelter’s syndrome in a mosaic style. This condition is found in one out of every five men and the main side effect is male infertility. While many young couples try for many years to have a child and then start playing that blame game as to why they have not gotten pregnant; in my case, I found out when I was much younger and that probably saved a lot of time and money into my marriage.
My wife and I went to a specialist who deals with infertility issues in New York and were treated very poorly when we got there. We left with the diagnoses that we would never be able to have a child. When we got back to Cleveland, Ohio where we live, we went to see different specialists from the Cleveland Clinic and University Hospitals who gave us alternate solutions to our problem which included Assisted Reproductive Technology, or ART and In-Vitro Fertilization, or IVF. We went through three rounds of Clomid, which my wife absolutely hated, three rounds of fertility shots, two rounds of IVF, and a surgery for myself. We finally did a frozen embryo transfer with IVF and were able to go through a successful, yet difficult pregnancy; giving birth to our fraternal twin boys.
Even after having our beautiful children, we decided we would like try and have more children and lost our second set of twins during the nineteenth week of her pregnancy. Even though we have our children, the infertility still exists and prevents us from going through the normal routes of having a child. We take one step and one day at a time and know that the devotion we have for one another will make our attempts at having more children worth the wait. We cannot plan for the future any more than couples who do not have any fertility issues, because we all believe that our lives are controlled by Hashem.
If there is anyone out there who needs assistance, I am here to help in any way I can (firstname.lastname@example.org). You are not alone, men and women alike. There are people who have been through the same things and can help you along this path. It does not have to be done alone.
May Hashem give you strength. Such a story you are brave to share.
Dalia Shulman says
Thank you so much for sharing your story! I wish you all the best.