Open Adoption


Is Open Adoption Co-Parenting?
No. Open adoption gives the birth parent(s) and the adoptee and their adoptive parent(s) the opportunity to build a relationship. However, the birth parent(s) are not the legal parent(s). In an open adoption, the adoptive parent(s) still makes all decisions – big and small – about raising the child. They’re the ones there on a daily basis acting as any parent does.
How Does an Open Adoption Start?
Prior to signing consents and baby’s placement, the prospective adoptive parent(s), the expectant parent(s) and the adoption workers from the agency will discuss what everyone’s minimum hopes are for contact. These decisions are then written up in a good-faith or legally enforceable agreement and then signed by the birth and adoptive parents along with their respective consents.
It’s wise to be honest and not feel tempted to over-promise on contact with an expectant parent(s). If the birth parent(s) live far away, how will travel be handled? If someone moves, what would that mean? It may be tempting to say “we’ll see you as often as you’d like!” in a match meeting, but what if that means something very different than what you’re actually comfortable with down the line?
It’s essential to recognize the importance of the relationship and connection with your child’s birth parents. It’s your job to be honest with your adoption worker, the expectant parent(s) and yourself right from the beginning.

What Does Open Adoption Look Like Over Time?
Open adoptions look different for every adoption constellation. Open adoption may change over time as relationships change and the child grows up and can define their own desires and boundaries.
There are adoption constellations that never go beyond the agreed upon open adoption contact terms, and there are constellations that go well beyond. Some families have birth parents at adoptee’s birthday parties and there are adoptees and adoptive parents celebrating at milestone events for a birth parent. There are birth parents and adoptive parents who maintain contact via a designated email, providing only the expected update message and there are adoptive parents and birth parents who have a deeper bond and text like friends. While this may simply change organically, for many, it will need to come from intentional, honest discussions between the adults.
Strong open adoptions do not happen overnight, and they don’t happen for everyone. There will always be birth parents and adoptive parents who struggle with maintaining contact – even if everyone believes it’s in the child’s best interest.
At times, these complications can make open adoption harder for birth parents, harder for adoptive parents or even harder for adoptees. While many adoptive parents begin an open adoption with worry about the level of contact, McLaughlin et al. found that feelings of apprehension alleviated quickly and most wanted more contact with birth parents over time.
To close the answer to this question, we’d like to recommend a 2010 episode of the Modern Love podcast. “Not So Simple Math” by birth mother and author, Amy Seek, who offers a beautiful inside look at open adoption through the years.
This episode of MTV’s “16 and Pregnant” shows one open adoption’s beginning story. Begin watching at 34:00.
“I feel uncomfortable with open adoption.”





Does open adoption prevent adoption trauma?
The idea that open adoption is a “get-out-of-adoption-harm-free card” is a common one.
However, that doesn’t mean open adoption isn’t a very important piece of a modern, hopefully healthy adoption. Open adoption offers the members of the triad (and potentially the rest of the constellation!) to know each other over time. It allows the birth parents to share the “why” behind the adoption plan in their own words. It allows that adoptee to see that they are important to their parents – both birth and adoptive. So does open adoption prevent all adoption trauma? Doubtful. But does it possibly reduce identity issues and further traumas? Perhaps.