In 2012, I was pregnant with my second child. Some of my friends knew the scary drama that came with this pregnancy because I was open about it, I needed the support and their tefilot helped give me strength.
One friend called me up and asked if I could give her friend, Emma*, strength. I said she should definitely give Emma my number. Emma never called.
A month later, I was standing in shul and I thought I saw her. I wasn’t sure, since we weren’t friends, but decided to be bold and walk over and introduce myself.
“Hi, you’re Emma, right? You were supposed to call me about fertility stuff?”
“Yes, I know, but I figured that you are already pregnant, so how would you be able to help me?”
“Well, getting pregnant wasn’t easy for me, it was really hard with different treatments, many failures…”
“Well, I have no problems GETTING pregnant, its just keeping the pregnancies. I have gotten pregnant 5 times already, and I bleed out by week 9 or 10.”
In hindsight, I now know why Hashem had her WAIT to reach out to me.
You see, for the two years prior to that moment I was a dedicated member to an online fertility support community called fertilitycommunity.com (I think they changed their name at this point). The Thursday before this chance meeting in shul, I was reading a thread by a virtual friend about how she had a blood clotting disorder, and that once she gets pregnant she has to take blood thinners in order not to clot and bleed out the pregnancy.
I told Emma to ask her doctors about this at her next visit. She said she was meeting with Maternal Fetal Medicine on Monday. I was surprised, since I thought they only dealt with women once pregnant, but didn’t want to overstep. She said she would call me on Monday after her appointment.
On Monday she called to say MFM told her they couldn’t help her, but she should see an RE. (What I expected) But she wanted to stay in touch with me.
The following year she called me again, she had mentioned to her new RE about the blood thinners and the next time she would get pregnant they would start the blood thinners, like we were hoping. Good, a new protocol, new hope.
I told her I was supposed to have a frozen transfer on Monday. She said she was scheduled for Friday. Did I need a ride to my transfer. YES! (You see, I didn’t like having anyone in the room with me so I could focus on staying relaxed, so my husband wasn’t going to drive me.) Emma volunteered to drive me and my 7 month old baby, drop me off and babysit while I had the transfer and then drive me home. It was perfect.
I was so grateful that on the way home I gave her a bracha “In the merit of you driving me to my transfer, may your transfer be successful.” AMEN!
I went in for my beta, it was positive, so was hers.
My numbers doubled, so did hers.
I had two sacks, so did she.
I had two heartbeats, so did she.
Every Tuesday she would call me since Tuesdays were her appointment days. I would talk her through things and give her a sense of calm. She said she wouldn’t get excited until she made it passed her first trimester without bleeding out. That day came and went and we were both so relieved.
Having a fertility buddy is such a help and comfort to both, to compare notes and know you are not going crazy. We were both on bed rest, both cervix shrinking, and the babies were born one week apart. Each of us has a set of twins: a boy and girl. These 4 kids have no idea that they were connected way before they came out of the womb, and their mother and I are forever connected. FFF – Fertility Friends Forever.
* Name was changed to protect the innocent.