Choosing the right donor is a deeply personal and significant decision in the donor conception process. It may involve balancing various factors to find a donor who aligns with your preferences and values. Below you’ll find considerations that can help you make an informed choice.
Considerations
Resemblance to Recipients: Many recipient parents prefer a donor whose physical attributes (such as height, eye color, hair color, and complexion) closely resemble their own or their partner’s. Typically, if only one donor is involved, recipient couples prefer the donor have shared characteristics with the partner who will be the non-genetic parent.
Detailed Profiles: Donor profiles often include photos and detailed descriptions of physical traits to help recipients make a well-informed decision.
Racial and Ethnic Matching: Many recipients consider the donor’s racial and ethnic background to ensure some resemblance and to maintain a sense of identity and heritage for the child.
Genetic Screening: Some donor programs offer comprehensive genetic testing to screen for inheritable diseases and conditions. While no genetic testing can screen for every possible condition, it offers a great amount of information and can help reduce the risk of genetic disorders in the offspring, particularly if the genetic recipient parent or other donor has any predispositions for genetic disorders within their family.
Family Medical History: Reviewing the donor’s family medical history for any patterns of health issues that might be relevant to your decision can be helpful. Keep in mind that this information is self-reported by the donor and they may not know their full family medical history.
Academic Achievements: Many recipients consider the donor’s educational background and academic achievements. Donor profiles typically include information about education level, fields of study, and intellectual interests.
Cognitive Abilities: Some donor programs offer insights into the donor’s cognitive abilities through assessments or standardized test scores.
Personal Traits: Donor profiles often provide information about the donor’s personality, talents, hobbies, and interests, which can help you choose someone whose traits you admire or resonate with.
Personal Essays and Interviews: Reading personal essays, watching video interviews or listening to audio interviews can provide deeper insights into the donor’s character, personality and values. Many recipients hope to feel connected with their donor in some way.
Psychological Health: Some programs require that donors undergo psychological evaluation to assess their emotional stability and readiness for the donation process. This ensures they understand the implications of their donation and are mentally prepared.
Emotional Intelligence: Recipient parents may seek a donor who exhibits traits of emotional intelligence, empathy, and resilience. These traits may feel admirable and provide feelings of connection.
Reasons for Donating: Understanding the donor’s motivation can provide insights for recipient parents. While most programs offer monetary or other forms of compensation, some recipients desire a donor who was motivated by altruism and a genuine desire to help others.
Anonymity vs. Openness: Your hopes for your child’s or your own possible contact with a donor is an essential question when making these decisions. Some donors are undisclosed while others are more open. When thinking about your family’s and child’s possible future needs, this can be one of the biggest deciding points.
Relationships: If you’re considering a known or directed donor, thinking through what the relationship will look like for everyone involved moving forward can be very important. Additionally, ensuring that your potential donor doesn’t feel pressured to donate based on your current relationship or power dynamics is essential.
Availability: If you’re pursuing a fresh transfer or fresh donation versus a frozen one, ensuring that the donor is available for the duration required for your treatment and that their schedule aligns with yours is important.
Location: Consider the logistical aspects, such as the donor’s location, any travel that may be required for medical procedures (particularly if you’re hoping for a fresh donation or fresh transfer), or whether you can ship the frozen gametes to thaw and use when the time is right.
Selecting a donor is a highly personal decision that involves careful consideration of various factors, from physical characteristics and health history to personality traits and ethical considerations. By thoroughly reviewing donor profiles and understanding your own priorities, you can make an informed choice that aligns with your values and supports the wellbeing of your future family.
