Facing a new year while yearning for a family, especially while watching families around you grow, can feel quietly isolating. Simchas Torah (SIM-khat TOH-rah, “Rejoicing of the Torah”) is meant to be full of joy, and for many it is. For some, it carries a second, unspoken layer: I’m so happy for them, and I’m hurting so deeply.

What is Kol HaNe’arim?

Kol HaNe’arim (kohl hah-neh-ah-REEM, “All the Children”) is one of the most beloved moments of Simchas Torah. In many communities, children gather together under a tallit (tah-LEET, prayer shawl) while a Torah portion is read. It is often followed by singing, dancing, and the kind of communal warmth that can make people feel: this is what Jewish continuity looks like. This is Jewish joy.

Why can Kol HaNe’arim feel tender for those facing infertility?

Kol HaNe’arim is, quite clearly, a celebration of the next generation. That is also why it can be complicated for someone who is longing to become a parent (or to become a parent again, in the case of secondary infertility.

For a person or couple navigating infertility, pregnancy loss, or an uncertain family-building path, this moment can amplify:

• the ache of “not yet,”
• the loneliness of being surrounded by something you want deeply,
• and the fear that your place in the community is measured by whether you have children.

Even when nobody says anything unkind, the symbolism can feel loud. The children are gathered; I am still waiting.

How do we balance celebration and compassion?

We do not need to dilute Simchas Torah joy in order to hold those who are struggling. We can do both.

One simple, dignified way to widen the circle is to recite the Fertility Prayer either before or after Kol HaNe’arim. Not as an interruption, and not as a spotlight on anyone. It can simply be a communal acknowledgment that alongside celebration, some are carrying longing and grief. It’s a visible moment to say “there is room for both here.”

This small addition communicates something powerful without requiring anyone to share their story:
You belong here. Your longing is seen. You are not alone.

A gentle invitation to your community

We invite you to encourage your congregation to recite the Fertility Prayer during Simchas Torah services around Kol HaNe’arim, and at other moments throughout the High Holiday season. The prayer can also be recited privately at any time.

Together, we can build communities that celebrate children wholeheartedly and also hold with tenderness those who are still waiting.