Fifteen years of infertility can change more than the path to parenthood. It can change how partners communicate, how they see themselves, and how they experience their relationship.

In this honest and deeply personal conversation, Ayala and Josh Gross join Gila Block of Yesh Tikva to reflect on their 15-year journey through unexplained infertility, IUI, IVF, financial strain, and the emotional toll of trying to build a family.

They share how infertility affected their marriage, why they began to feel more like roommates than partners, and what it took to reconnect after years of disappointment and uncertainty.

How Infertility Affects Marriage and Relationships

Infertility can gradually become the organizing force in a couple’s life. Appointments, treatment decisions, finances, and the constant cycle of hope and disappointment can leave little room for the relationship that existed before fertility treatment began.

For Ayala and Josh, the emotional distance developed over time. Ayala describes feeling isolated and seeking support outside her marriage, while Josh reflects on becoming increasingly focused on finding solutions rather than recognizing and expressing his own emotions.

Their experience raises an important question: What happens to a relationship when both partners are struggling, but neither feels truly understood by the other?

When Partners Cope With Infertility Differently

One of the most difficult aspects of infertility can be recognizing that two people may experience the same circumstances in entirely different ways.

One partner may want to talk about every setback, while the other focuses on practical next steps. One may seek emotional connection, while the other withdraws. Over time, these differences can be mistaken for a lack of understanding, commitment, or care.

Ayala and Josh’s reflections offer insight into how these patterns can develop, particularly when infertility becomes a prolonged experience rather than a temporary crisis.

For another perspective on men’s emotional experiences of fertility treatment, explore How Men Experience Infertility and Grief: Understanding Loss as a Couple.

Emotional Distance, Identity, and Reconnecting After Infertility

Infertility can affect more than communication. It may reshape how individuals understand themselves, their bodies, their roles within a relationship, and the futures they had imagined.

Ayala and Josh discuss the impact of emotional and physical disconnection, their experience of separation, and the difficult work of finding their way back to one another.

Their story also explores the importance of community support, compassion, and recognizing that each partner may be carrying pain the other cannot fully see.

Their journey eventually led to building a family through IVF and an unexpected pregnancy. But their reflections do not suggest that becoming parents erased the difficulties they experienced along the way.

Finding Support for Your Relationship During Infertility

If infertility has left you feeling alone in your marriage, disconnected from your partner, or unsure how to talk about what you’re experiencing, you may recognize parts of your own story in this conversation.

Not every couple experiences infertility in the same way, and there is no single approach to navigating its impact on a relationship. Recognizing the strain, understanding each other’s coping responses, and seeking support can be meaningful steps.

Yesh Tikva offers emotional support and educational resources for individuals and couples navigating infertility, reproductive loss, and complex family-building journeys.

Connect with our Support Line for confidential emotional support, information, and referrals, or explore additional conversations in the Yesh Tikva Resource Hub.