Donor Conception

As A Pathway to Parenthood

Welcome. We’re happy you’re here, and we are honored to hold your hand as you embark on your donor conception journey.

What will this guide cover?

Dear
Reader

What is Donor Conception?

Where Do You Find a Donor?

Who Becomes a Donor?

What Should I Look for in a Donor?

What Should I Look for Bank/Clinic/Service?

Anonymity & Openness

Legal & Ethical Considerations

Social & Emotional Considerations

Looking Towards the Future

What will this guide cover?

Dear
Reader

What is Donor Conception?

Where Do You Find a Donor?

Who Becomes a Donor?

What Should I Look for in a Donor?

What Should I Look for Bank/Clinic/Service?

Anonymity & Openness

Legal & Ethical Considerations

Social & Emotional Considerations

Looking Towards the Future

Dear Reader

The journey through infertility can be a long one, with a lifelong impact, no matter the outcome. You have found yourself considering donor conception as an option. Perhaps your doctor recommended it, or your friend or partner, maybe you learned about it somewhere else and are curious about if this could be the route for you. While nothing is easy once infertility is involved, every path to parenthood is valid. There is more than one way for a child to join a family, and there is more than one way to become a parent. Donor conception is one of the ways a family can grow – and it may be how your family will grow.

Whatever brought you to consider donor conception as a path to parenthood, this resource is meant to outline the donor conception process – whether exploring donor sperm, donor egg, donor embryo or double donors. It will help guide you through some of the difficult decisions, explain concepts, and shed light on many of the confusing pieces of the process. You will also find helpful resources throughout to continue deepening your understanding of the lifelong impact donor conception can have on your child and your family.

We hope that this information helps you at whatever stage in the donor conception process you find yourself in today. Please remember, Yesh Tikva is here to provide ongoing support on your infertility journey – no matter where it leads you.

– The Yesh Tikva Team

What is Donor Conception?

Donor conception is the process of creating a child with donor gametes – donor sperm, donor eggs, or donor embryos This method of conception is most often chosen by individuals or couples who are unable to conceive naturally due to infertility or genetic concerns. This method is also often used by those pursuing solo parenthood by choice and LGBTQ+ parenthood. The donors do not intend to have a traditional parenting role in the child’s life and are providing gametes in hopes of helping someone else become a parent.

Types of Donor Conception

The process where a donor provides sperm to help someone else conceive a child through assisted reproductive technology (ART). The sperm can be used in an insemination procedure like an IUI (intrauterine insemination), or to create embryos through IVF (In Vitro Fertilization). This method is commonly used by heterosexual couples where the male partner has difficulty providing healthy sperm due to fertility, medical or genetic issues. It’s also an option for single women, same-sex female couples, and trans-inclusive couples hoping to grow their family.

The process of using eggs from a donor to be fertilized with sperm via IVF. This method is commonly used by heterosexual couples where the female partner has difficulty producing healthy, viable eggs due to age, genetic factors, fertility issues or medical conditions. It’s also an option for single men and same-sex male couples working with a gestational surrogate, and trans-inclusive couples hoping to grow their family.

Double donation involves using both donor eggs and donor sperm to create embryos with IVF. This method is typically chosen when a heterosexual couple is facing both male and female factor infertility. It’s also an option for many other couples and individuals hoping to grow their family.

Embryo donation can occur when a couple or an individual with a donor has undergone IVF and needs to decide what to do with their remaining embryos. Embryo donation is deciding to donate those embryos to another individual or couple. Those who receive the embryos then attempt to transfer them and conceive a child that is not genetically connected to either parent. This option is typically chosen by those who are unable to conceive using their own eggs and/or sperm for any number or reasons.

Where Do You Find a Donor?

Finding the right donor is a crucial step, and there are various avenues available depending on your preferences and needs. Here’s an expanded look at where to find a donor, including traditional methods like sperm banks and egg donation agencies, as well as less conventional options like matchmaking services, egg sharing programs, online platforms, and within your social circle.

Within Your Social Circle

Some individuals or couples may choose to use a known donor from their social circle, such as a friend, family member, or acquaintance. This approach can offer a sense of familiarity and trust. Donors may or may not receive monetary compensation for donating.

Sperm Banks

Sperm banks are facilities that screen donors and collect, store, and distribute donated sperm for use in assisted reproductive technologies (ART) such as intrauterine insemination (IUI) and in vitro fertilization (IVF). Sperm donors through a bank typically receive monetary compensation for donating.

Donor Egg Agencies or Banks

Donor egg agencies or banks specialize in recruiting, screening and matching egg donors with recipients. They may also have an egg bank, where frozen donor eggs are stored and available for use. Egg donors through an agency or bank typically receive significant monetary compensation for donating.

Embryo Donation Programs

Embryo donation programs support individuals or couples looking to donate any unused embryos from IVF treatments to another hopeful family. These programs typically support the matching process and help facilitate conversation and provide education around implications. There is typically no monetary compensation for these programs.

Egg Sharing Programs

Egg sharing programs are unique arrangements where a woman either undergoing egg retrieval for egg freezing or in vitro fertilization agrees to donate some of her eggs to another recipient in exchange for reduced or free fertility treatment costs. The goal is that the arrangement is mutually beneficial and helps both the donor and the recipient achieve their reproductive goals. There is typically no other monetary compensation.

Clinics

Some fertility clinics offer both sperm and egg donation services. They provide a range of ART procedures and often have in-house donors or partnerships with donation agencies. Some clinics will also have embryo donation programs where couples who have completed their families can donate any remaining embryos to another hopeful family in the clinic. Egg and sperm donors typically receive monetary compensation while embryo donors do not.

Matchmaking Services

Some companies and platforms offer personalized matchmaking services to help recipients find the right donor based on specific criteria. They typically provide a more tailored approach when considering your preferences and can be particularly helpful if you have specific criteria. These donors are typically directed donors. Egg and sperm donors through matchmaking services typically receive monetary compensation.

Online Platforms & Communities

There are several online platforms and social media groups where recipients can search for and connect with potential donors. Platforms offer extensive databases and search tools to find donors based on specific criteria, while social media groups may be more about posting and seeing who reaches out. These donors are also typically considered directed donors and receive monetary compensation.

A word of caution when using this option. There are, at times, concerns about the limited screening process for these donors. Additionally, please be aware of the possibility of serial donors – typically sperm donors, although some egg donors – who donate dozens, hundreds or even thousands of times without regulation. Additionally, in rare situations, some sperm donors have insisted on “natural insemination” over an IUI – meaning having intercourse with a recipient mother. These are both major ethical and legal issues in the donor conception and can have massive ramifications for all involved.

We’ve gone over a lot of material, and there’s plenty more to come. Before we continue, take a moment to do a mental health check-in. If this is too much for you to handle right now, give yourself a break and come back to this guide another time. This can feel overwhelming, and we don’t want you to get flustered over these concepts. Breathe.

Who Becomes a Donor

Donating sperm, eggs, or embryos to help individuals and couples facing infertility or genetic challenges achieve their dream of parenthood is an incredible act. Donors come from diverse backgrounds and have various motivations for their decision. This section will explore the basic criteria to become a donor.

Sperm Donors

Age: 18-39 years
Must be in good health physically and genetically/br> Non-smoker, no recreational drug use/br> Programs aim to have diverse pool of donors to match the varied racial and ethnic backgrounds of recipients, though most are Caucasian.

Egg Donors

Age: 21-35 years
Must be in good health physically and genetically/br> Non-smoker, no recreational drug use/br> Programs aim to have diverse pool of donors to match the varied racial and ethnic backgrounds of recipients, though most are Caucasian.

Embryo Donors

Unlike egg or sperm donors, there are typically fewer expectations with donating embryos. There aren’t age ranges, lifestyle factors, or educational background expectations.

Embryo donation programs, like sperm and egg donation programs, will often require donors to complete a medical and family history questionnaire, physical exam, FDA screening and/or blood tests, carrier status screening for genetic diseases. Donors are also expected to consent to release prior embryology test results and clinic notes from their own IVF cycle(s).

Why do people become donors?

Altruism

Many donors are motivated by a strong desire to help others experience the joy of parenthood. They recognize the profound impact their donation can have on individuals or couples struggling with infertility. Donors often find a deep sense of fulfillment and satisfaction in knowing that they are making a significant difference in someone’s life by helping them build a family. Additionally, some donors have personal experiences with infertility within their families or social circles. These experiences inspire them to give back to the community and support others facing similar challenges.

Financial Compensation

Monetary Incentives: For many donors, financial compensation is a significant incentive. The process of donating sperm or eggs involves time, effort, and, in some cases, invasive medical procedures. The compensation can help cover educational expenses, debts, or other financial needs. For students or individuals in need of financial support, becoming a donor can be a practical way to earn money.

Affording Treatment: In programs like egg sharing, donors can receive reduced or free fertility treatments or egg freezing in exchange for their donation. This arrangement makes advanced reproductive technologies more accessible for those who might otherwise be unable to afford them.

Genetic Legacy

Some donors are motivated by the idea of passing on their genetic material and contributing to the next generation. They may have desirable genetic traits or attributes they wish to pass on. For some, knowing that their genetic material will help create new life and continue their genetic lineage can be a source of pride and fulfillment for donors.

Personal Connections

Known donors typically become donors to help friends, family members or community connections who are hoping to build their family. Their motivation is rooted in wanting to support someone they care about and their dreams of parenthood. For directed donors, donors are specifically chosen by recipients for their qualities or relationship, further personalizing the donation process.

What Should I look for in a donor?

Choosing the right donor is a deeply personal and significant decision in the donor conception process. It may involve balancing various factors to find a donor who aligns with your preferences and values. Below you’ll find considerations that can help you make an informed choice.

Physical Characteristics

Resemblance to Recipients: Many recipient parents prefer a donor whose physical attributes (such as height, eye color, hair color, and complexion) closely resemble their own or their partner’s. Typically, if only one donor is involved, recipient couples prefer the donor have shared characteristics with the partner who will be the non-genetic parent.

Detailed Profiles: Donor profiles often include photos and detailed descriptions of physical traits to help recipients make a well-informed decision.

Race & Ethnicity

Racial and Ethnic Matching: Many recipients consider the donor’s racial and ethnic background to ensure some resemblance and to maintain a sense of identity and heritage for the child.

Health & Medical History

Genetic Screening: Some donor programs offer comprehensive genetic testing to screen for inheritable diseases and conditions. While no genetic testing can screen for every possible condition, it offers a great amount of information and can help reduce the risk of genetic disorders in the offspring, particularly if the genetic recipient parent or other donor has any predispositions for genetic disorders within their family.

Family Medical History: Reviewing the donor’s family medical history for any patterns of health issues that might be relevant to your decision can be helpful. Keep in mind that this information is self-reported by the donor and they may not know their full family medical history.

Educational Background & Intelligence

Academic Achievements: Many recipients consider the donor’s educational background and academic achievements. Donor profiles typically include information about education level, fields of study, and intellectual interests.

Cognitive Abilities: Some donor programs offer insights into the donor’s cognitive abilities through assessments or standardized test scores.

Personality & Interests

Personal Traits: Donor profiles often provide information about the donor’s personality, talents, hobbies, and interests, which can help you choose someone whose traits you admire or resonate with.

Personal Essays and Interviews: Reading personal essays, watching video interviews or listening to audio interviews can provide deeper insights into the donor’s character, personality and values. Many recipients hope to feel connected with their donor in some way.

Psychological Health & Emotional Intelligence

Psychological Health: Some programs require that donors undergo psychological evaluation to assess their emotional stability and readiness for the donation process. This ensures they understand the implications of their donation and are mentally prepared.

Emotional Intelligence: Recipient parents may seek a donor who exhibits traits of emotional intelligence, empathy, and resilience. These traits may feel admirable and provide feelings of connection.

Motivation

Reasons for Donating: Understanding the donor’s motivation can provide insights for recipient parents. While most programs offer monetary or other forms of compensation, some recipients desire a donor who was motivated by altruism and a genuine desire to help others.

Ethical Considerations

Anonymity vs. Openness: Your hopes for your child’s or your own possible contact with a donor is an essential question when making these decisions. Some donors are undisclosed while others are more open. When thinking about your family’s and child’s possible future needs, this can be one of the biggest deciding points.

Relationships: If you’re considering a known or directed donor, thinking through what the relationship will look like for everyone involved moving forward can be very important. Additionally, ensuring that your potential donor doesn’t feel pressured to donate based on your current relationship or power dynamics is essential.

Practical Considerations

Availability: If you’re pursuing a fresh transfer or fresh donation versus a frozen one, ensuring that the donor is available for the duration required for your treatment and that their schedule aligns with yours is important.

Location: Consider the logistical aspects, such as the donor’s location, any travel that may be required for medical procedures (particularly if you’re hoping for a fresh donation or fresh transfer), or whether you can ship the frozen gametes to thaw and use when the time is right.

Selecting a donor is a highly personal decision that involves careful consideration of various factors, from physical characteristics and health history to personality traits and ethical considerations. By thoroughly reviewing donor profiles and understanding your own priorities, you can make an informed choice that aligns with your values and supports the wellbeing of your future family.

What Should I Look for In A Clinic?

Choosing the right bank, clinic or service to connect you with a donor or donors is a big decision. It may feel like the only difference is the donors they have, but between the packages, services, prices, guarantees, donor requirements, ethical standards, family limits, and more – they’re actually quite different.

Limitations

If you’re already working with an infertility clinic and hope to stay with them while pursuing donor conception you may have limited options. Many clinics have their own donors or partnerships with banks that they work with – even if the pathway you’d like follows all legal requirements. Unfortunately, this can limit your ability to choose another bank, service, or a directed or known donor. It’s important to ask your clinic if there are limitations to what avenues they support. If your clinic explains that they prefer you work with a partner bank or one of their in-house donors, you can ask if that’s a preference or a requirement. If you have the capacity, you can also try to advocate for change – many have been successful and certain service providers will help you do so!

Know What You Want

Knowing what you want from a gamete provider is important. It can be difficult to compare one provider to another, especially when you don’t know what to look for and marketing can be a bit vague. We’d like to offer some questions you may want to ask yourself and then decide how important the provider’s answer is. Additionally, USDCC has a Sperm Donor Traffic Light Chart which can be a very helpful resource if you’re considering donor sperm. Unfortunately, a similar resource does not yet exist for donor eggs or donor embryos.

How important is it that my donor’s information is verified?

Much of the information the gamete provider and then potential recipient parent receives is based on self-reported information from a donor. While many donors are quite forthcoming, some may be less so (after all, hopeful donors can be disqualified from donating if they fail to meet the standards set by the program). Other donors simply knowingly or unknowingly have limited information. There is no federal requirement to verify information, but some banks and programs do work to verify information by performing genetic carrier screenings on donors, conducting criminal background checks, and verifying their educational histories. Other providers will conduct these checks at an additional cost for recipient parents. While these verifications will not catch everything, it may be an added source of information and comfort as a recipient parent.

Is it important that my donor(s) have a psychological evaluation?

There is no federal requirement that donors have psychological evaluations, even though it is recommended by the American Society of Reproductive Medicine. Psychological evaluations can help screen for impactful mental health diagnoses that can be passed down from parent (or donor) to child – like schizophrenia or bipolar disorder. It can also help uncover if donors are donating for concerning reasons.

Is it important that my donor(s) have counseling?

While counseling can help donors process their feelings about donating and having genetic children that they will not raise, it is not a federal requirement. Counseling also offers donors an opportunity to consider the impacts on their own future family plans (such as what if they donate now and experience infertility when they go on to have children they plan to raise?). Like psychological evaluation, counseling can also help uncover concerns about the donor or their motivations for donating.

How important are family limits to me and my future child?

Family limits is a topic that potential recipient parents often don’t think. However, many recipient parents become concerned about it soon after their child is born and most donor-conceived adults have major concerns on this topic. There are no federal laws regarding family limits, meaning that a donor (typically a sperm donor) could continue donating and potentially create hundreds of children – your child’s genetic half-siblings. This doesn’t always feel like a priority at the contemplation stage, but when you consider that your child may come to interact with these siblings unknowingly or simply desire to know more about their half-siblings as they grow up, it can be much more concerning if the number is large. Additionally, while many banks, clinics and service providers do have self-enforced limits, those are often only within the United States. Many donor programs ship gametes across the globe. If family limits concern you, this is an important discussion point with your provider. Making sure you have a real understanding about the numbers within and outside the U.S., as well as if it’s based on reported births or families who have received donations, can offer insights.

How important is it for me to know about and potentially have contact with my child’s half-siblings and their families?

Again, this is a topic that many recipient parents don’t consider early in the process. Some banks and programs have sibling registries where parents can share information with other parents who have used the same donor. This can be particularly helpful when hoping to build connections for biologically-related children as well as sharing medical updates and diagnoses that may be hereditary. Other banks and programs do not offer these platforms and may even actively discourage using commercial DNA testing to connect with half-siblings; which can make connecting very difficult and frustrating if you wish to go down that road later on.

How important is it that my donor’s identity can be released to my child should they want it as an adult?

Many sperm and egg banks are still actively recruiting undisclosed (anonymous) donors – some are only recruiting undisclosed donors. As you’ll read more about later on, anonymity and openness are often very important topics for donor-conceived people. Knowing that your future child can potentially have access to your donor is an important consideration as you make your decision.

Anonymity & Openness

The choice between donor anonymity and openness is a critical aspect of donor conception, with significant implications for recipients, donors, and offspring. Understanding the benefits and challenges of each approach can help you make informed decisions that best suit your needs and values.

Not every donor perfectly fits into the below three categories. For example, some programs offer hopeful recipient parents the opportunity to meet the anonymous donor one time (without sharing further identifying information). Additionally, many programs use different titles for the types of donors in their programs.

Anonymous or Undisclosed Donors

Anonymous or undisclosed donors are individuals who donate their sperm, eggs, or embryos without revealing their identity to the recipients or future offspring. In this type of arrangement, identifying information about the donor, such as their name, contact details, and personal background, is kept confidential. This often presents a “simpler” arrangement with incredibly clear boundaries. There is typically a wide availability of anonymous donors through banks, agencies and clinics, possibly offering recipient parents more options.

However, an anonymous donor also presents its challenges. You and your child will have limited access to information. There may be a lack of important genetic, medical and ancestral information – and there may be no opportunity to receive updated information or ask questions in the future. Children born through anonymous donors may struggle with a gap in their understanding of their own identity as they age. Some advocates believe that donor-conceived people have the right to know their genetic origins if they so choose, and 81% of donor-conceived people in a recent survey support abolishing anonymous donation agreements. Additionally, with the rise in consumer DNA testing such as 23&Me, anonymity is nearly impossible to maintain. Instead, the onus to seek information and contact genetic relatives falls on the donor-conceived person, which can be difficult emotionally.

Open ID Donors

Open identity (or “open ID”) donors are individuals who donate their sperm, eggs, or embryos with the understanding that their identity can be disclosed to their donor-conceived offspring when they reach a certain age – typically 18 years old. They often agree that they are open to at least one contact with the donor-conceived person (although some may be open to more contact). Before that time, you will have access to non-identifying information and self-reported medical history. You and your child may be unable to access updated medical information or ask further questions during their childhood.

There are a number of benefits and challenges when seeking an open ID donor. As a recipient parent, knowing your child may seek this connection in adulthood may feel emotionally complex, depending on how you’ve processed your infertility, grief, and your choice to pursue donor conception. However, this option does have the potential to offer more transparency for your child about their genetic background, medical history and origins, which may be incredibly beneficial. There is the possibility that it may be difficult for your child to wait until 18 to seek contact, and the onus on them to do so can be difficult to decide on. Additionally, even though donors agree to the contact upon donation, a lot can change in 18 years.

Known Donors

Known donors are individuals who donate their sperm, eggs or embryos for donor conception and whose identity is known to recipients from the beginning. Known donors are typically friends, family members, or acquaintances of the recipients. Known donation offers immediate access to information, as donors and recipient parents (and likely later, the donor-conceived person) have direct access to each other. Therefore, sharing updated medical, genetic and personal information and asking questions can occur without a mediator. A known arrangement also may offer the opportunity to build a relationship between all parties from early on. Many donor-conceived people and their allies advocate for known donor arrangements as it can be helpful for the child.

There also can be challenges with known donors. Existing personal or familial relationships can change – and feel a bit more complicated – when donor conception becomes part of the dynamic. Clear boundaries from the beginning with a willingness to revisit them can promote comfort and respect for all involved. There’s also legal implications when working with a known donor and legal agreements should cover parentage and responsibilities. It’s also wise to seek counseling as a group to discuss how everyone would like the future to look and so everyone can offer their informed consent before moving forward.

Directed Donors

There are matchmaking services and online communities where recipients can connect with donors for the express purpose of donor conception. When the donor is donating specifically to a chosen recipient (as opposed to donating to a pool of recipients and then having their information disclosed) they are called a “directed donor.” Like working with a known donor, there are legal implications when working with a directed donor. Legal agreements should cover parentage and responsibilities and should be drawn up by an appropriate attorney.

Introduction to Legal and Ethical Considerations

Navigating the legal and ethical landscape of donor conception is a complex and multifaceted process. This section provides an introduction, highlighting key considerations without aiming to provide an exhaustive explanation of every legal and ethical nuance. Understanding the legal framework and ethical guidelines surrounding donor conception is crucial for both donors and recipients to make informed decisions and navigate potential challenges responsibly. It’s best to seek an attorney who specializes in this area as you work through your decisions.

Legal Framework

The legal aspects of donor conception vary by country, state and jurisdiction. It’s essential for recipients and donors to understand the laws regarding parentage rights, consent, and responsibilities. Even in situations where the donor and the recipient parent(s) have a preexisting relationship, there are legal frameworks that should be considered. Best practice calls for legal agreements that should be drafted to clarify expectations and protect all parties involved. In the United States, the Academy of Adoption and Assisted Reproduction Attorneys offers a directory of attorneys who specialize in donor conception. An attorney in your state will be able to guide you on the requirements where you’re located.

Ethical Guidelines

Ethical considerations in donor conception include ensuring informed consent, respecting the autonomy of donors and recipients, and maintaining transparency throughout the process. In the U.S., there are limited federal or state regulations regarding donor conception in comparison to many other countries. For example, other countries legally limit the number of offspring a donor can create. Other countries also have laws requiring that donor-conceived people have access to identifying information about their donor in adulthood. The American Society for Reproductive Medicine has drawn up recommendations that it requests providers follow. Consider familiarizing yourself with this document so you can better explore the practices of potential providers. If you’re interested in learning more about how donor conception laws differ in other countries when compared to the United States, USDCC has a great piece on it.

Ethics and Donor Conception with Attorny, Anna Levin

Introduction to Social and Emotional Considerations

Deciding to pursue donor conception is a significant and often emotional decision. It’s normal to experience a range of feelings, including hope, anxiety, and grief. Here are some strategies to help cope with the decision-making process:

Coping with Emotions and Decision-Making

Acknowledge and allow yourself to grieve the losses associated with infertility. It is important to grieve the loss of genetic connection you and/or your partner may face if you need to work with a donor or donors to conceive. This process can take some time, but it’s important work. It can be therapeutic to process all you’ve gone through and can potentially pave the way for a positive donor conception experience.

Professional counseling with someone who specializes in infertility and donor conception can provide a safe space to explore your feelings, address fears, and receive guidance on navigating complex emotions. It also provides a connection to a professional should you wish to return to discuss the impacts of infertility and donor conception on your life and family as time goes by later.

Connecting with others who have gone through or are going through similar experiences can provide emotional support and practical advice. Register for Yesh Tikva’s Donor Conception Supportive Spaces here.

Understanding the medical, legal, and ethical aspects of donor conception can reduce uncertainty and help you feel more in control of the process. It can also be helpful to learn from donor-conceived people who are sharing their stories and experiences. The United States Donor Conceived Council (USDCC) is a great place to explore. There are also several other great resources we’d like to recommend.

Support Systems

Building a strong support system can be very helpful while pursuing donor conception and even more so if you end up parenting a donor-conceived child.

Creating a child as a couple is a two-person decision and it’s absolutely best to make sure both partners are on board with the donor conception process and future plans before proceeding. If you have a partner, ensure open and honest communication about feelings, expectations, and concerns. It’s essential to understand and to even expect conflicting opinions and different emotional responses. Create space for any difficult moments and work together to find answers that feel authentic to both of you.

Consider sharing your plans with trusted family members and friends who can offer emotional support. This can feel difficult for some potential recipient parents, as donor conception is often a misunderstood topic. Consider sharing resources with them and expressing how much you need them by your side.

Discussing donor conception with your rabbi or another religious leader can be helpful. Finding someone who can support you and answer your questions as they arise can be beneficial.

Looking Forward to the Future

Disclosure & Family Dynamics

Talking to the children: One of the most significant aspects of donor conception is deciding when and how to tell your child about their origins. Here are some guidelines:

Age-Appropriate Conversations:

Start early (many recommend in infancy so there’s time to practice and gain comfort in sharing the story) with simple, honest explanations appropriate for the child’s age. As they grow, provide more detailed information.

Honesty and Openness:

Fostering an environment where your child feels comfortable asking questions and sharing their thoughts and feelings can make a significant difference in your family’s wellbeing. Honesty builds trust, helps children understand their unique conception story and can support their understanding of their genetic and medical history as a donor-conceived person.

Is it important that my donor(s) have counseling?

Use Resources:

Children’s books about donor conception can truly help give you the words to say in a way that your child will understand. Consider adding a few of the books listed in the Reels below to your bookshelf. Joining the Yesh Tikva Supportive Space for those pregnant or parenting children through donor conception can also help you navigate whatever you’re facing.

We’ve rounded up some wonderful books that introduce the concepts of both ART and donor conception in age-appropriate ways.

Navigating Relationships Within the Family

Donor conception can impact family dynamics in various ways. It’s important to navigate these changes thoughtfully:

Extended Family:

If you decide not to disclose your donor conception plans before the birth of your child, it’s important to consider how and when you’ll share the information with extended family members. Consider that, if you decide not to tell others, there’s the possibility that your child may also feel obligated to keep this part of their identity a secret. Unfortunately, this may inadvertently lead your child to feel this is something shameful about their identity. While all families are different and some members may be more supportive than others, centering your child’s needs is paramount. Offering education about donor conception to extended family members may help move them in a supportive or, at least, respectful direction.

Sibling Relationships:

If you have other children, you can explain donor conception in a way that fosters acceptance and understanding. Ensuring that you share that all of your children – donor-conceived or not, are equally valued, loved and belong in the family is essential. Reading older siblings a few children’s books about donor conception is a great way to begin to explain how their sibling came to join the family.

Donor and Donor Sibling Relationships:

f it’s possible to connect with your donor or your child’s donor siblings, and you make the choice to have that relationship, do your best to maintain open and honest communication, as well as, thoughtful boundaries. Like in any relationship, there may be complications to navigate. However, it also offers an opportunity to place your child’s needs and potential future needs at the forefront. To learn more about what this looks like for actual recipient parents, donors and donor conceived people, you can consider joining and reading through the posts on the Donor Conceived Best Practices and Connections Facebook group.